Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
