Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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