U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize