There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
