I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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