I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
