someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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