The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
