so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
