I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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