For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
