he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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