Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your penis caused this!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
