: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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