Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
