Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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