you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i now understand why vodka
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
