If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
