i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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