Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry my hands just texted you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
