Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
