WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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