He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
