my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
