He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Green mimosas i think yes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
