I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
