i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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