So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
