Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
