i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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