I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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