no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
