you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
