i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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