just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
