is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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