Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
