Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
