My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
