i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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