Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
