bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
