My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ttyl tear gas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
