On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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