I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
