so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
