Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I see more hoeing in ur future
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
