youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
