So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
