Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
