Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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