this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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