That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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