making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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