i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
