Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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