sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
