So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
