Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
