the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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