it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
