you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
