hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
