I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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