I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
