Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
