I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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