what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
