I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
