and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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