im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
