so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
