Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
