oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
