the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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