..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize