Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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