she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pants are for mortals
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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