I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
