Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
