have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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