I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
