fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
