totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
